Join me for Merienda: Jess' Baked Individual Chocolate Mochi Cakes

Hello to you, dear reader. Thanks again for stopping by to spend a little while with me in the blogosphere.

Today, we're going to be making a really simple and delicious recipe for baked, individual, chocolate mochi cakes. They are not overly fancy, but you can certainly dress them up; if you choose to take them to get glamour shots or hire a food stylist =p

I have always had an affinity for Mochi. I didn't grow up with that Japanese term /concept of it,though.It was known to me in their Pilipino embodiments as Malagkit,Suman,Bibingka,Tambo-Tambo, Bilo-bilo,Espasol or Palitaw (Note: the following photos of these various Pinoy desserts and the Japanese mochi ,were not made by me, unless otherwise indicated). I'm not sure when exactly was the first time that I ate Japanese style Mochi. It was probably Daifuku, from a local Asian market. Then, later I became familiar with the many other styles and a fun version of Mochi; where you would cut squares from a hard block of Kakumochi, and bake them and they would come out puffy, crunchy and chewy in the middle. Heaven.

Uncooked Malagkit rice

One version of Suman

Bibingkang Malagkit

Do you see the round fluffy balls of mochi in this bowl of Ginataan? Heaven.

Espasol

Espasol as its sold at the market and from street vendors in the Philippines

Palitaw

A version of Daifuku, filled with sweet bean paste

Kakumochi shown as being cut and grilled

Over the years, I have experimented (when have I not been toiling away in my Food lab?) with different ways to make Mochi in its various international guises. I can tell you that making Daifuku, is some tricky business. People who are experts at making Daifuku, must have asbestos hands. You have to work quickly and you can easily mess up a whole batch of them; if you don't seal them properly. So, I prefer to make cakes out of Mochiko aka Glutinous Rice Flour (which is actually a misnomer because there is no gluten in rice. It's just that it's so pliable and sticky like a ball of gluten, but its elasticity can be attributed to the (here's a copy/paste of scientific babble from the Wikipedia page for Mochi:

'Mochi is a multicomponent food consisting of polysaccharides, lipids, protein and water. Mochi has a heterogeneous structure of amylopectin gel, starch grains and air bubbles.^[3] This rice is characterized by its lack of amylose in starch and is derived from short or medium japonica rices. The protein concentration of the rice is a bit higher than normal short-grain rice and the two also differ in amylose content. In mochi rice, the amylose content is negligible which results in the soft gel consistency of mochi.'

Don't you feel super scientific now? =p Anyway, let's get back to talking about mochi cakes. I have made this recipe quite a few times now and most people who've eaten them have loved them. I think that they're used to eating Mochi in its various other forms, but my style is different because its baked. I don't think my method is novel at all, but I can tell you that it is tasty =)

Buchi/Botsi

A batch of Chocolate, Coconut Milk Mochi Brownies that I had previously made

Other than just straight chocolate mochi cakes, I have made Banana Chocolate Chip Mochi cakes,Spongy Mochi cakes topped with fruit preserves, I even made my version of oven baked Botsi-Botsi/Buchi-Buchi and pan versions of mochi brownies, but I prefer to bake the cakes individually because I like the fact that they each get their crunchy outer shell, rather than just a few lucky people getting corner pieces. No fancy equipment needed for this recipe, you just need the ingredients, a mixing bowl, wooden spoon for mixing and a muffin pan and maybe an ice cream scoop too; if you have one to your avail.

A note about the flour: Make sure that you are using a fresh package/box of Mochiko; if you use old flour (as with any other recipe) it won't taste right. It'll taste okay, but it will still taste a bit stale and you don't want to waste all your hard energy to produce just 'okay' mochi cakes. You want to make fabulous tasting mochi cakes.

I give Blue Star Brand, Mochiko, 4 Stars =)

For those of you who follow a gluten free regimen: While most of the Glutinous Rice Flour aka Sweet Rice Flour is naturally gluten free and may even say it on the packaging; you should always check to see if it states any other allergy warnings. Such as 'Produced in a factory that also processes, soy, wheat and tree nuts,' something like that. The Blue Star Brand Mochiko's box states that they are a dedicated factory where all they process is rice; so you might want to stick to that brand. It is more expensive than the other brands, but it may be worth its weight in gold; if you have problems with gluten.



Individual Baked Chocolate Mochi Cakes-V,GF

Preheat Oven to 375F

Preparation Time: Approximately 10 minutes

Cooking Time: 25 minutes

Ingredients:
2 C Mochiko aka Glutinous Rice Flour aka Sweet Rice Flour

3/4-1 C Dark or Pure Cocoa Powder*
3/4 C Unrefined, preferably organic sugar

4-5 Tb Organic ground flax meal

Pinch of Himilayan Pink Sea Salt

1 tsp Baking Powder
1/2 tsp Baking Soda

Wet Ingredients:

2 C Water or your liquid of choice (almond milk, hemp milk etc.)

1/4C or less of a Neutral Oil such as Canola or Grapseed Oil

1/2 tsp Pure Vanilla (Optional)

*If you can't have chocolate; you can always substitute it with carob powder, but you will probably want to adjust your sugar content as carob powder is much sweeter tasting than the naturally bitter cocoa powder.

Method:

Prepare you muffin pan by wiping it down and then oiling it up with either your preferred spray or by brushing the nooks and crannies with your choice of neutral oil. In a large mixing bowl sift all of the dry ingredients together until evenly distributed. Add your oil and optional vanilla extract and then slowly incorporate the water adding 1 cup at a time. You may find that you might need the full 2 cups depending on the weather/humidity in the air. You want to mix  everything together until it is just slightly thicker than a regular cake batter. You do not want to add too much liquid; so add in that water carefully. Once you've mixed the batter well; let it rest for about 5 minutes.

Batter up! 

I like to use an ice cream scoop to portion out the batter into the muffin pan/s to just a tiny bit more than half way filled (I have a 12 cup muffin pan and I still end up with enough batter for at least 2 more cakes) and set the timer for 25 minutes. If you have leftover batter; you can either pour it into another small pan and bake it or you can even actually cook it in a greased bowl in your microwave for 2-4 minutes depending on your power setting, but the real oven method is better.

When they are done baking, they have lovely domed tops and just look totemo kawaii desune! (so cute).
I usually give them 5 minutes to rest and then I de-pan them and let them cool to room temperature before storing them. I recommend that you store them in an air tight container in the fridge. They will last for about 2 weeks maybe longer, but they're usually all gobbled up before 2 weeks have passed) I haven't tried to freeze them because they're usually all eaten before I would even consider freezing them, but if you need to freeze them; I would recommend that you wrap them individually and seal them in a zip top style bag, before putting them in the freezer.

Why, hello there! Would you like to get to know a chocolate mochi cake better?

Chocolate Mochi cake being overtly brazen and showing off its bottom! =o

How to serve them? These cakes are great to have with tea or coffee. As they are a bit dense, I usually cut them into quarters. They hold up well during travel and can be easily stashed in a sandwich bag for a quick merienda on the go. If they're coming out of the fridge, I usually pop one in the microwave for 30-45 seconds, but you can figure out how you like to eat these lovely baked chocolate mochi cakes, for yourself.
You might even like eating them straight from the freezer, but I would be careful with that. You wouldn't want to get brain-freeze or lose a tooth ;)

I hope that you have fun making these easy and delicious mochi cakes. You can have a lot of fun experimenting with this recipe.

Stay tuned for next week's merienda. As of right now it is scheduled to be my version of sweet tamales done two ways:  Mulberry Almond and Fig Walnut Spice =)


Wishing you good health and happy cooking!

Love,
Jessica

Jess tells tales: Culinary Audacity!

Did somebody say, culinary audacity???!!!

Good morning/afternoon/evening everybody! (I think this is the fairest way to address all of you out there since; most people don't keep the same exact schedules, live in the same time zones or parts of the world).

There are always little bits and pieces of personal anecdotes floating around in my brain and today the one that I've decided to share with you all is about a time when I performed an act of culinary audacity.

A couple years back, I used to spend time in France off and on during holidays/school breaks because during that time I was in a relationship with somebody, who was originally from France. Yes, I had a transatlantic relationship; which sometimes is a bit odd even  to me when I think about it now, but let's get on with the story.

My culinary skills were blooming during this time and the house where I was staying had this really fantastic convection oven. It was awe inspiring to me, especially when I compared it to the boring electric stove and oven that I had back at home. I think that my partner might have even been jealous of the oven, especially when i was busy in the kitchen, having a ball with the awesome kitchen equipment. "Je suis desolée, mon cher, mais tu dois me partager avec la four!' (I'm sorry, darling, but you have share me with the oven! =p

During one particular day, I was making a quiche from scratch and although that doesn't sound outlandish at all, if you've ever eaten or read about my food; you know that I always cook/make everything in my own special way. So, you kn ow already that the crust wasn't made from a rolled out butter/pastry dough and the filling wasn't made with cream or whole fat milk or a billion eggs (I must disclose that I was still just a vegetarian back then; thus the dairy and eggs were not yet excluded).

Here is the breakdown of the recipe/method:

Crust:

I guess this method would be similar to a pâte brisée (this is in a different font because I couldn't remember the alt + shift # for the 'a' with the l'accent circonflexe)  method, but instead of using butter; I used a vegetable oil. When you use oil instead of butter/shortening; the dough is softer and more malleable. I still was careful to not over knead the dough; so that the pastry would still be flaky. The fact that the dough was soft, made it easy to press into and unfluted glass casserole dish (yes, a glass casserole dish!, what a maverick move!)

These are not photos of the quiche I made. These were definitely prettier  than the one that I made, but  in this photo they are using glass bakeware is a bit similar to the one I use, except that the dish was not fluted.

Again, this is not a photo of the quiche that I made. I chose this one from the search because it shows the traditional fluted edges of the quiche crust and the filling reminds me of what my quiche filling looked like.

Filling:

I don't remember all of the vegetables that I used, but I remember there being tomatoes, mushrooms, broccoli, onions and some sort of cheese. The custard was made out of low-fat milk and a few fresh farm eggs, salt and pepper.


I remember that while I was making this quiche; that I was looked upon with frantic eyes worried about time constraints because we had to go to a dinner party at a relative's house. It was totally crazy because the party was only a few hours away and this quiche still had to be cooked. I reassured them that it would be cooked and ready to go before we had to leave. Ahahahahaha, you would normally let a quiche rest until a least room temperature before thinking of trying to serve it!

Qui est cette fille qui n'est pas française qui veut faire une quiche à sa façon et le servir à de vraies personnes françaises?Who was this non French girl attempting to make her own style of quiche and to serve it to real French people! Elle est tellement folle! She's mad, I tell you! Maaaaaaaad!!!! =p

Relax though, the quiche was cooled down to at least room temperature before we headed out for the party. I cut it close though, the cooling time was only 30 minutes before we had to leave. When we got to the dinner party; it was setup outside in their yard on a long picnic table setup family style. We placed the food that we brought in the middle of the table. We did the obligatory kiss line as you do in France (a tip for those of you who aren't used to kissing people to greet them: Make sure that if you're getting 2 or more kisses; that you turn your head properly; so that you don't end up kissing somebody's nose or even directly on the lips by accident =0 ) and then found our places at the table. There was a bit of banter and then we started to serve the food. The relatives saw the quiche and asked who had made it and it was explained that I had made it and they seemed surprised. They started to cut into the quiche and thank goodness it held up and the crust did as well. The quiche looked good and there were no complaints, but I do remember explaining that it was a different style of quiche ;) It was 'nouvelle quiche.' =p One of the Aunts really enjoyed it and I think that was good enough for me.

My culinary audacity was not received with a riot of French people leading a revolt trying to corner me into the bastille, until I came back out wanting to cook in the traditional style. No, instead, they were smiling, happy, had no problem eating a piece of two while carrying on a conversation with me.

Zut alors! J'ai gagnée! ( I won! *insert metaphysical victory lap here *) ;p

What can I say? I was audacious in a culinary way back then and I continue to be as such, at present. There are no limits as to what you can and cannot cook (or do in general, for that matter). You may be better at making some things than others, but just because I'm not Korean, doesn't stop me from making my own versions of Kim Chi and Gochujang. The way I make my Vegan,Gluten Free, Kim Chi would certainly be called audacious in comparison to what the traditional method/ingredients. Even the Pilipino dishes that I make are considered pretty audacious  to those relatives who can't  quite wrap their heads around that I don't use any meat, seafood, patis (fish sauce), bagoong (fermented fish paste) in my cooking. I have fans though who who really enjoyed my version though and that's a nice feeling =)

So what can you take away from this tale? I guess that you shouldn't be afraid to go for it. How I didn't feel intimidated to make a non-traditional quiche for actual French people; is a bit of a puzzle for me, but maybe it can be chalked up to being young and brash. I was passionate about something and had enough confidence in something to share it with everybody. 

Well, that's it for my tale of my culinary audacity. I know that when I was thinking about this earlier in the day that it made me smile and laugh.. I was standing back and looking at my younger self and saying 'Wow, that was a bold move. You crazy girl.'

 Je vous souhaite à tous une bonne santé et de bonheur! (Wishing you all good health and happiness)

Jusqu'à la prochaine fois  <3  Until next time ,

Jessica

Je t'aime et j'aime l'audace culinaire ainsi ! <3

Remembering my Lola Frances

My Lola,  my Grandmother,my last living grandparent passed away gently in her sleep in the Philippines on May 10th in the early morning hours. She was 104.7 years old and would have turned 105 this coming 8th of October.

A wedding portrait of my Lola Frances and Lolo Jacobo

A studio portrait of Lola Frances when she was in her 50's

A portrait of Lola Frances and her 4 children, L to R:  my Uncle Roly, Auntie Becky, Uncle Reuben and my Mom

My Lola Frances during her 100th birthday celebration

She was a very resilient woman, having been widowed, losing her husband during WWII. Lola Frances was left to deal with the perils of war along with being left as a single mother of 4 children. Lola never remarried. She was a devout woman and would read her bible each day.The church was her second home and she would always remind us that we had to get to church on time and fuss when she had any inkling that we would be running a few minutes late. I can recall how she signed her cards and letters 'with fervent prayers, Frances.'

My Lola Frances in church during her 101st birthday

Lola reading her daily meditation at my Auntie Becky's condo in the Philippines

She came to live with my parents in the 70's so that she could help them take care of my brothers and myself. When we were younger, I remember having fun, watching the game show, the 'Price is Right,; with Lola in the morning. I can recall coming home from school and her having Nilaga ( a Pilipino stew that had beef, cabbage, carrots and lots of sabaw (broth) ), my brother Jonathan and I loved to eat the sabaw with quite a quantity of freshly cooked rice. She would sometimes walk us to and from school. 

If she ever offered us sweets; it would most likely be either hard candies like butterscotch or of course, her favorite, dark chocolate. I don't think as children we could really appreciate the complex flavor of dark chocolate, but we appreciated the sugariness of the hard candies. Our Lola, would help mend our clothing from time to time.I think that she was the first person from whom I learned the basics of sewing. I don't think my sewing skills were ever as good as hers were though, but I'm thankful to her for being able to know how to sew buttons back on and mend holes in shirts and pants. Salamat po, Lola.

Lola Frances helping my Mom get ready for the wedding

From L to R: my Lola Sabel, Lola Frances, Mom, Dad, Uncle Reuben and Lolo Juan

Color version- From L to R: my Lola Sabel, Lola Frances, Mom, Dad, Uncle Reuben and Lolo Juan

A photo of me with my two Lola's: Lola Frances and Lola Sabel

Look at this trio. I know that my brothers and I, must've been a handful =)

My Lola Frances had a special affinity for Jonathan and I remember that she was the only one that he had sang in front of before he had his first 'stage debut', during middle school. Jonathan played the captain in a production of H.M.S Pinafore. Needless to say it took my parents off guard and garnered the attention of the choir director of the local high school. I'm so happy that my brother found confidence with my Lola to open up to her; so he could go out and achieve his dreams. When my Lola was still staying with us, she would ask about Jonathan and we would remind her that he was in Texas, but she would often insist that 'Oh, he must be in Hollywood!'  =)

My brother Jonathan and Lola Frances during her 102nd birthday =)

Along with her daily devotion, she would play her 'mixtape,' of big band and music from the likes of Pete Fountain and so forth, and do her daily calisthenics. She did this until she was in her 90's and needed a cane to get around. Even after that I think she still did chair exercises.  I remember her saying 'Hep!,' as she went through her routine. She would also sometimes say 'Hep!,' when she went to get up from a chair. It was kind of like a battle cry of sorts, to give you the strength to get things done.

Lola Frances, always made sure that her hair was well coiffed and nails painted to match. In her younger years I remember the insane amount of bobby pins that she owned and used. She would use her comb to create the individual nests of hair on her head and pin them to set the curls. Later when she could no longer do that herself; she would happily go to the parlor every other Saturday.

Sitting pretty

Tayo na! 

Look at those curls

Lola was always appreciative of her caregivers, people from the local hair parlor, her doctors, audiologists and so forth. She would always remember them along with her other friends and family and bring back copious amounts of chocolate covered macadamia nuts and Kona coffee from Hawaii. The amounts of chocolate and coffee were so copious that she would often mail a dozen of priority boxes home to Michigan because taking it all home in her suitcase would simply be too heavy (can you imagine; if she had to do this now with all the luggage fees? =) Lola would  split her time between Michigan with my family and Hawaii with my Uncle Reuben and Auntie Celina. Leaving Michigan as the winter grew near and returning when summer approached.

Lola was still able to travel fairly well until she was in her 90's

Lola Frances, used to be able to fly by herself (she even went on a trip around the world when she was in her late 50's), but when she had to start using a cane, my uncle Reuben used to fly to Michigan for a few days; so that he could fly back with Lola to Hawaii. Sometimes, if my Uncle Reuben was too busy with his practice, my Mom would be the one to accompany Lola to Hawaii. I don't recall all the details of why neither my uncle or my Mom could accompany her, but one time I took a week off work; so I could accompany her to Hawaii. Travelling is hectic enough as it is, but it's even harder when your companion is elderly. We had to use a wheelchair service to get from gate to gate and since we didn't have a direct flight, we had a stopover at Chicago, O'hare. I don't know how people navigate that airport, we had to ride one of those service vehicles and take 2 service elevators before we finally go to our connecting gate and even then we had just 20 minutes before boarding for our final flight to Hawaii. It was a whirlwind to get there, but we made it intact.  The day that I had to fly back to Michigan, Lola started to get sad and even seemed to be a bit worried. I told her not to worry because she would see me again in a few months. She was also in Hawaii after all, with my Uncle Reuben, Auntie Celina and my cousin Tony. Lola also had many friend in Hawaii. Her friend Linda Cua who lived across the street, would always address her affectionately as
 'Dona Guerrero.'

My cousin Tony and his wife Vanessa with their first child, Isabella.

Lola at the church in Honolulu, Hawaii with my Mom, Auntie Celina and Uncle Reuben

As I grew older and honed my culinary skills, my Lola would always be delighted whenever I made a soup or dish where the vegetables were soft enough for her to eat. She especially, enjoyed it when I baked a cake, cookie or biscuit that was nice and soft. I always try to cook with balance in mind; which means that nothing is overly salty or cloyingly sweet. Lola would often say things like "It is good because it is soft! or 'It is not so sweet!' with a smile on her face. Amongst her favorite in the realm of Pilipino desserts, were Mamon a type of chiffon cake, Ensaymada a Pilipino style of brioche topped with grated cheese, butter and sugar and one of her most favorites was the Chinese style of puto (steamed rice cake) which I never knew the true Chinese name for it 'pak tong koh,' until many years later.  As I understand it, it was probably more popular in the Philippines during the time she was growing up and maybe to the extent of my parents earlier years, but in the modern Philippines, I think it is a rarity. When I asked my cousins about it, they seemed puzzled and unsure as to what I was referencing. My parents were in the Philippines in February and were able to bring her 2 slices of Chinese puto/pak tong koh from the local Asian bakery; that I had frozen in the freezer. It wouldn't be the same as having it fresh, but I know that Lola must have have enjoyed it all the same.

Since, she loved soft things of course she loved Lugaw/Arroz Caldo a type of hearty savory rice porridge and Champorado a sweet chocolate rice porridge/pudding. One of her favorite dim sum foods were 'Adidas,' the Pilipino nickname for chicken feet. One time we were having lunch with some of Lola's friends in Windsor, Canada and were enjoying the dim sum service. Everything was going well, until two of Lola's friends got a little too boisterous and started yelling' We want adidas! Give us adidas!' I shrunk into my chair and hoped that  nobody saw me with them, 

V,GF Pinakbet

V,GF Pinakbet

The altar that we made for Lola Frances

The Atang for Lola Frances: Ampalaya tea, V,GF Pinakbet,chocolate and almond cookies, chocolate mochi cake and  hybrid mamoul/hopia filled with lotus

One of my Lola's favorite vegetables to eat was ampalaya (bittermelon). It was always ever present in our kitchen. Her favorite dish to cook was Pinakbet. A sort of layered vegetable stew which always required ampalaya of course, along with talong (eggplant),calabasa (squash),okra, peppers, tomatoes etc. I can vividly recall her prepping all of the vegetables and then carefully layering them in the pot. Adding in the ampalaya and talong near the end because you never want to eat mushy vegetables. She would then pick up the pot off of the stove and shake it to toss/mix the vegetables gently. If you were to just try and stir everything together with a cooking utensil; it would make everything taste bitter. Lola Frances was able to cook pinakbet by herself until she was in her 90's. After that, we had to help her because it wouldn't be safe for her to pick up the pot by herself anymore; since there was a good chance that it might slip out of her hands etc. I made my own V, GF version of pinakbet the other night in honor of Lola Frances and Lolo Jacobo whose death anniversary is May 12th. As I held the handles of the pot in my hands and gently shook the pot to toss the ingredients together, the very distinctive sound that it made forced me to smile and really think of Lola.

As young children, I don't know if we really ate the pinakbet by choice ('Anak, eat your gulay!' = Child, eat your vegetables!), but I can remember us enjoying other things that Lola Frances used to cook. One of her other stove-top specialties was Tortang Talong (broiled eggplant, stuffed with ground meat and then dipped in beaten egg, then fried) we loved to eat that with lots of rice. She could also make sweet things, the one that I remember as being her specialty was making bread pudding. She would take all that bread that was luma (old/stale) soak it in a mixture of milk, eggs,and sugar in a loaf pan and then top it off with cheddar cheese and bake it in the oven(I think that most of the time it was from a brick of processed Government cheese, but we didn't care about that back then. It just tasted good. The other type of sweet that she used to make were refrigerator cakes, but I think that Jonathan remembers more about those than I do, probably because I was biased and preferred the bread pudding over the refrigerator cake =)

I was fortunate enough to be able to be in the Philippines to celebrate Lola's 104th birthday last October. What a joy it was to see her with all of her four children there in one place. I'm happy for the time that my family and I got to spend with her. She  may have been 104 and had the natural ailments that come with age, arthritis, not being able to walk without a cane, hearing problems and despite her forgetfulness; her mind was still there and even if it took her longer to remember or respond; when she focused she could tell you such stories with great detail. Lola could even still joke around and also 'make chismis' (gossip) with us. 

As my Mom would say 'Your Lola is a Komikera!'

During her 'true' birthday on October 8th

Watching over Lola as she gladly ate her Mamon

During Lola's 104th Birthday Celebration

I know it was tough for Lola and although she was constantly surrounded by family (daughter, son, grandchildren and many many great grandchildren etc) she was tired and missing her own family. She had lost Lolo Jacobo very early on during WWII, all of her siblings were gone and most of her close friends in Michigan had already died as well. I remember when I accompanied her to Virginia for Lolo Angel's (Blanco), her last remaining brother/sibling's funeral,The distressed expression on her face when we were at the funeral home for the viewing. She talked to her brother and said 'Angel, won't you come back tonight?...'  It's hard to be the last one standing when you've seen everybody around leave.

Lolo Blanco (Angel) and Lola Frances picking apples together

Lola Frances and Lola Blanco (Angel) in Florida

Lolo Blanco (Angel) proudly displaying his local catch, Lola Frances and my brother Jonathan  'Oohhhing and ahhing,' at the sight of the fish.

One of the last photos of Lola Frances and Lolo Blanco (Angel) together

Lola was ready to go and would tell us that "I need to go, I'm overstaying now.' She wanted her Lord to come and take her home, but as my Mom would remind her that it wasn't her decision and say to her 'The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh.' We wanted Lola to stop worrying and just enjoy the present with her family.

My Mom hugging my Lola, last February

A photo of Lola Frances surrounded by (from L to R) her daughter Rebecca, great grandchild Dick, Dick's fiancée Shirley, grandchild Tintin with her dog Bokie and her other daughter (my Mom) Ruth

When my cousin Jojo passed away 5 weeks ago; it was devastating  My cousin Jojo had been battling cancer for number of years and gone into remission and then the cancer would come back. She was fighting until the end and did it on her own terms. Jojo was very special to Lola because she was her very first grandchild. Jojo, had also, in the later years when Lola moved back to the Philippines permanently, taken good care of Lola. Driving her to church, making sure to pick up all the things that Lola needed, just being there in general for Lola.. Jojo was only 51 years old and even though I believe that it's too soon; I know that Jojo is no longer suffering and she's with Lola and the rest of our family now. My Family in the Philippines were apprehensive of telling Lola about Jojo's passing because they feared that it would be such a blow to her heart,from which she might die. I know that when my Uncle Reuben was there for the service, he did talk to my Lola, but he wasn't sure that she understood everything. Even if nobody had said anything to her; I'm sure that she could feel it and she knew it. One of my cousins told me that she had said 'Where is my grandchild?' and called for Jojo, but after the funeral service (which Lola couldn't attend because of her frail condition) she never asked for Jojo again.

My cousin Jojo and I in front of Subic bay, last October.

During her 100th birthday celebration week: Lola Frances and the two Jojo's

Lola during he 100th birthday celebration at the church. L to R: my cousin Dennis, Lola and Jojo

I know that a piece of her heart must have left when Jojo died. Jojo was such a special person. One of the most generous, giving,selfless and loving people that I have ever known. Jojo had an unflappable smile and loved to laugh. I know that she brought light and love into the lives of all the people that she met. Lola, loved her deeply and so it pained her greatly when her dear Jojo died. 

My brother Jonathan and I were concerned that Lola should be able to know the truth; so that she could truly be at peace and not left wondering or feeling betrayed by not being told the truth. We knew that Lola had to know though; she was a very smart woman. She could piece together the truth by what she saw was happening around her. Still we wanted her to at least have the chance. We wished that we could take her to Jojo's funeral ourselves, but felt helpless; since we were thousands of miles away on a different continent. It was heartbreaking for us to see the rest of our family's heartbreak and not be there physically to hold their hands and cry with them.

A photo of the cousins in Jojo's room, after coming back from the funeral service.

In October, we knew that our visits and time spent with Lola Frances, could possibly be our last ones. So, we made the most out of them. We talked to her and listened to her stories, her advice and whatever wisdom she wanted to share with us. We even tried to get her to get up and dance with us, but she would say 'No, dancing and living are for the young!' She still enjoyed marveling at our modern dance moves and even enjoyed my mini review of tap dancing, when I did a few butterflies. The day that we had to leave to fly back home at 2 am, Lola made Jonathan promise to wake her up; so that she could see us before we left. We had worried that maybe it would be too much for her to see us leave, but to our surprise she was calm and upbeat. She wished us a safe journey and we hugged and kissed her. I took our last photos with Lola before leaving for the airport, hoping that we would be able to see her again in a few months, but it was not to be.

Lola, even walked all the way to the door to say goodbye to us <3

This was a photo of the last time that we were able to Skype with my cousins and briefly talk to Lola

She lived a very full life, filled with struggles, hardships, happiness and love. Lola Frances was a survivor, first as a widow of war and single mother and then later as a cancer survivor having a mastectomy in her 80's and still she lived to be 104.7 years old. She was there to witness her grandchildren and her many great grandchildren's successes and milestones. The youngest of the great grandchildren, who may not be able to remember Lola France, will be able to get to know her through us, the grandchildren; who will gladly tell them about their Great Grandma, Lola Francisca Castro Guerrero, and let them know how she influenced our lives.

Lola Frances, Lyla  and myself, having lunch celebrating Lyla's baptism

Her 3rd to youngest Great Grandchild, Lyla Eve (3 years old), posing with my Mom and holding a photo of Lola Frances during her 100th birthday celebration.

I now have no living grandparents left and it's a very strange feeling. As a child I never had a chance to meet my grandfathers, but I still had my two Lola's. When my Lola Sabel died it was a mighty blow to me and now that I've lost my Lola Frances, it just doesn't seem real, but I know that she's gone.

I have to imagine that Lola is having a happy reunion with her husband, my Lolo Jacobo, with her siblings Lolo Blanco (Angel), Lolo Black (Amador ) and Lola Consuelo. Maybe she's even visiting with my Dad's parents, Lola Sabel and Lolo Juan and they're cooking in the kitchen and catching up on old times. Perhaps, Lola will even be able to learn how to play Mahjong with them now; since she never knew how to play while she was with us. I have to think positively and remind myself that Lola is happy now.

I try my best to comfort my Mother for her loss, while trying to comfort my brothers and myself. 

I shed tears for my Lola Frances, but I know that she is truly at peace now.

Mahal kita, Lola

You will always be with us in our hearts

<3 <3 <3